![]() Plenty of people make up their own genderless BDSM honorifics and titles. We get to custom-craft our own identity, relationship protocols, sex life, and temporary reality in whatever way makes us feel good (including when asking partners to consensually & thoughtfully make us feel bad is what ultimately makes us feel good ). The point of kink, BDSM, and fetish play is to tap into an existence where we no longer have to tolerate what doesn’t fit. The visceral connection those terms have to default-world gender roles can feel invalidating, demoralizing, or trigger dysphoria – akin to being repeatedly misgendered during our most vulnerable, intimate moments. My workaround, however, isn’t a good fit for everyone, including many genderqueer people. ![]() As a general identity, I’m a Dom, not a Domme. In my case, as a hard femme D-type, having my s-types call me “Sir” or “Daddy” makes me feel subversive, powerful, and euphoric. That leaves a little wiggle room for some of us to break what feels like unspoken honorific rules. In the world of kink, genderfuckery is encouraged. You’re allowed to identify however you want and use whatever name suits you – including not using a special BDSM pet name or title at all.įor those who choose to use honorifics, there aren’t many obvious options for folx whose gender falls outside the binary or who don’t jibe with traditional BDSM titles. It’s important to remember that kink is customizable and titles are never required. ![]() Also known as an honorific, the most frequently used are heavily gendered – Sir, Mistress, boy, Daddy, Mommy, good girl, Master, Domme, princess, etc. For many kinksters, BDSM names and titles are a significant part of our identity and D/s dynamics.
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